First, let’s get a few ground rules straight. The polyamorists I spoke with do not want to be seen as sex hungry monsters who swing from partner to partner. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of polyamory is the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time. So for clarity, we are talking about emotional and physical intimacy here, not just sex. “Polyamory, Swinging, Open Marriages, Open Relationships, Monogamish and more all fall under the umbrella of non-monogamy but people who are polyamorous are more interested in the relationship and don’t just want to have sex with people,” says editor of the online magazine BlackandPoly.org , Crystal Farmer . “However, a lot poly people have sexual relationships while there are also people who don't have sexual relationships, who are asexual or don’t have a need for a sexual connection, but consider themselves polyamorous because they are in emotional relationships with other people.” Are you following? This means you can be polyamorous through sexual relationships or non-sexual emotional relationships or, for most polyamorous people, something in between. The bottom line is that you don’t belong to just one person. “I don’t believe in rules. Rules are about trying to wall off an insecurity,” Kevin told me. “When I’m triggered, it inspires me to ask where the insecurity is coming from.” He feels that his partners should all have autonomy. In his forthcoming book, Love Is Not Color Blind , Kevin discusses what it is like being a Black polyamorous man just as he has done in speaking engagements around the country for years. Borrowing Mahershala Ali ’s quote on the Black American experience, “We move through the world playing defense, we don’t have the capacity to play offense,” Kevin says he feels like he’s always defending the legitimacy of his marriage and his decision to be polyamorous to family, the church, and the Black community. Trust seems to be the highest priority among all the poly individuals I spoke to. Denika notes, “I need to be able to trust people. Sometimes it can be hurtful but I will be upfront with you so you’re not mislead in the end.” She clarifies that she doesn’t do hookups. “If all you want is sex then you need to be upfront with your intentions but don’t waste my time," Denika explains. Is polyamory “right” for African-Americans? You will have to draw your own conclusion. What I can say is that the polyamorous people I spoke with all seemed happy with their decision to live life in this way. It’s evident from the growing popularity of sites like BlackandPoly.org and PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com that there is at least a curiosity and an openness to exploring non-traditional relationship options. Denika’s advice is to “know yourself, explore your sexuality, intimacy, sense of self and be open to something different.” Written by Damona Hoffman Full Article: https://www.bet.com/style/living/2018/01/17/black-polyamory-aint-what-you-think.html
Panogamy is a style of polyamory. It refers to a fairly monogamous relationship where two people build their lives together but are open to allowing other connections to take whatever form they evolve into. Understanding that human relationships are complex and some connections result in sex and others are less intimate in nature. Pan derives from Greek mythology. The god, Pan, was known for his wild nature. He commonly appeared in art with Venus and Cupid, both Gods of love. This is thought to imply that ‘love conquers all,’ since Pan in Greek means 'all’. Gamy derives from the Greek word Gamos meaning marriage. It differs from hierarchy polyamory in the sense that the couple isn’t searching for other relationships, but concentrating on self-development and acknowledging that connecting with other people is a huge part of growth. It’s acknowledging that one partner may not have the entirety of the insights to help with your self-development.
It acknowledges all the shadows (people’s deepest fears, shames, guilt and the way they react to situations because of them) and how this learning can help with creating a beautiful connected life. Continue reading on: http://tantric-witch.tumblr.com/post/169732081194/the-evolution-of-panogamy
"One thing that seems to unite the polyamorous community is a real enthusiasm for digging into emotions. Honesty, openness and communication are cornerstones for polyamorous relationships, Holmes has found. "They're talking a lot, they're negotiating a lot, they're bringing their feelings to the table a lot," he said. It's this intensive conversation that might be wise for monogamous couples to emulate, Holmes said. His work also suggests that basic emotions work very differently in polyamorous relationships. Take jealousy. If you ask most people how they'd feel if their partner had sex with or fell in love with someone else, the responses would be pretty negative: fear, anger, jealousy, rejection. Ask a polyamorous person the same question, and they're more likely to tell you they'd be thrilled. It's a concept called "compersion," which means the joy felt when a partner discovers love outside of you. It's similar to the feeling the typical person might get after finding out their best friend scored her dream job, Holmes said. But in this case, the happiness stems from a lover's external relationships. That finding challenges much of what traditional psychological research has established about how jealousy works ." Read more: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-sexual-revolution-polyamory/